dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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