Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
