I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
