69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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