i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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