I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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