I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
