I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
