would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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