Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
