Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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