You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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