Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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