Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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