Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
