I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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