If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
