Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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