What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
