i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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