he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
