I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
