playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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