the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
