the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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