Just took my morning after pill in the library
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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