it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
