He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
