Girls should come with a carfax report
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
