why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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