I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
