you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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