Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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