I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
