i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So. Much. Porn.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
