he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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