I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My hand turned me down
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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