Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
