He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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