But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
