i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
