God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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