Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
