Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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