so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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