ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
