Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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