Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
not ubering you a puppy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
