I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
