I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
