I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
