The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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