if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
